I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
