I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
