Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the condom got lost in my hair
our cab driver is having phone sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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