fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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