I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
