I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
