oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
