smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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