I want to stick my p in your. b.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
