I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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