so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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