The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
