there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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