he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
