I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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