you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
