dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
