im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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