I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
