now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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