She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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