So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
