If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
