did you get engaged???
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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