awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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