I just saw a hot homeless man
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
