Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
