i don't like sucking hair
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
