Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.

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(314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. http://tfl.nu/5ctu

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(702): View more from Nevada

I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha

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(702): I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha http://tfl.nu/eax7

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(541): View more from Oregon

Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.

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(541): Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big. http://tfl.nu/ayxp

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?

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(978): one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket? http://tfl.nu/emia

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

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(262): My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here... http://tfl.nu/iwch

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(502): View more from Kentucky

bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.

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(502): bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story. http://tfl.nu/l5v1

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(214): View more from Texas

I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now

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(214): I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now http://tfl.nu/up7f

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.

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(484): I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations. http://tfl.nu/uf69

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"

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(401): You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car" http://tfl.nu/0yb1

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out

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(267): Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out http://tfl.nu/835w

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(303): View more from Colorado

I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose

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(303): I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive (1-303): Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose http://tfl.nu/eyzf

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(859): View more from Kentucky

it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?

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(859): it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone? http://tfl.nu/jw1z

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?

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(502): Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work? http://tfl.nu/ejxj

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(302): View more from Delaware

This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.

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(302): This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy. http://tfl.nu/3zpx

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(646): View more from New York

Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable

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(646): Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable http://tfl.nu/rcay

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