If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.