I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.