I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK