Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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