If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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