God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
