yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
