Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's blow job season.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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