dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
