All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
