Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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