i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
