literally had 100 drinks last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
