By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
