Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
