She announced her abortion via fbk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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