Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
