Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
