unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
