it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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