i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
