I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sober January is a disaster.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
