margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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