she was so not down for the gang bang
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
