Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
