What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
