If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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