3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
