mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You're like the curious george of whores
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.