So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!