i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..