I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
is that a dick in a sweater?