My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.