Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"

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  (314): just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?" http://tfl.nu/ava3
  Replies (52) Good night (5032) Bad night (749)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.

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  (480): We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie. http://tfl.nu/xse4
  Replies (65) Good night (953) Bad night (16956)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?

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  (623): Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth? http://tfl.nu/7zio
  Replies (34) Good night (901) Bad night (11918)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.

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  (702): Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better. http://tfl.nu/sd76
  Replies (11) Good night (4909) Bad night (1381)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."

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  (518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break." http://tfl.nu/3ss4
  Replies (11) Good night (4647) Bad night (970)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.

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  (205): Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am. http://tfl.nu/dyri
  Replies (6) Good night (2018) Bad night (1182)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.

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  (256): Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary. http://tfl.nu/t36d
  Replies (3) Good night (2553) Bad night (855)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.

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  (401): The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm. http://tfl.nu/9ejj
  Replies (15) Good night (2605) Bad night (725)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.

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  (910): No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess. http://tfl.nu/luxa
  Replies (6) Good night (1830) Bad night (680)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.

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  (918): Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE. http://tfl.nu/pg7d
  Replies (7) Good night (1209) Bad night (456)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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  (316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj
  Replies (2) Good night (1040) Bad night (491)
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  (949): View more from California

  It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.

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  (949): It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process. http://tfl.nu/bbcc
  Replies (8) Good night (1136) Bad night (391)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French

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  (703): All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French http://tfl.nu/pm1m
  Replies (4) Good night (749) Bad night (316)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor

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  (814): Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor http://tfl.nu/6e1k
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (370)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?

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  (416): why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it? http://tfl.nu/pz8z
  Replies (1) Good night (416) Bad night (161)

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