well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.