i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
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The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party