Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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