Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
