and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
