I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
