Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
