Your tits are I can't wait for
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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