I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
