for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
