Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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