The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
