there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
