I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
