So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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