Nicole vs. Life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
