Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
