Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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