69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
