remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper