I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday