She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that