So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can feel your judgement through the phone