At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"