and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
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I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.