The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
True strength comes from lack of pants
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
