When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
