Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
