My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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