I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
