it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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