My sheets look like a crime scene.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
