thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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