I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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